A book of contradictions is how I view this book, Impossible Motherhood-Testimony of an Abortion Addict. Irene Vilar writes of her so-called abortion addiction in a way that is both enlightening and disturbing in the fact that, she seems to have come to a place of comprehension of the value of the small unborn life. She communicates many of her reasons why she made some of the choices in her life regarding her obsession with this man, who she placed such high value in. However, I don’t feel that she truly communicates the deep emotional struggles that must reside in her psyche; regarding the disposable way she treated the lives of her unborn children. In this post, you will find my book review of, Impossible Motherhood-Testimony of an Abortion Addict.
While much has been made of the roller coaster relationships that she had within her family with her father, her grandmother a famed “heroic figure” in her native country of Puerto Rico, her mother who committed suicide and her brother the drug addict; and, i can appreciate her emotional bondage within those relationships; it escapes me how she could then, choose to place a relationship with the man of her choice…a much older man…over the lives of the children that she helped to create.
Irene admitted that her desire to be a mother “allowed her” to forget to take her birth control pills…knowing that she would have some time alone with her secret knowledge of the child that grew within. She did this knowing all along, that she would chose abortion because her man demanded it of her; to remain in the relationship with him-this in the ‘name” of his never-ending pursuit of the illusion he called “freedom”-meaning no children. Part of this sad tales equation is that, in the beginning of their relationship, Irene was a mere 15 years old. She was sent over here, from her own country, to attend college. The professor would probably be brought up on charges today; for having a sexual relationship with a minor, if their relationship were to begin anew under those conditions.
The object of her desire wanted no children. He demanded no child be born of him; she knew this. Why didn’t he seek a physical, permanent solution to his own fertility, if it was so very important, to him to remain childless? I suspect it had more to do with his need to control the women in his relationships. He allegedly told Irene that his previous wives and relationships couldn’t be strong in their commitment to “freedom” and they chose to move into motherhood with partners other than him. What this says about him and his requirements of a relationship is sad.
Sadder still, to me, is a woman who can carry 15 lives and abort them all. Most of those 15 pregnancies were with the man her obsession. There were other babies who had different fathers. She can not place her reasons for aborting strictly on the relationship with the freedom seeking professor, in my opinion. I do have to say that, Ms. Vilar went on to give birth to two living children, with a new husband. I can’t imagine the emotional journey those children will experience, as they enter into adulthood and an age of understanding. What kind of emotional damage will they have when they ponder why they got to live and their siblings did not?
She talked about her mental breakdown, about her going hungry…she talked about her suffering friendships. What she didn’t address is how she forgave herself; if in fact, she has been able to do so. How has she handled the emotion of seeing other children who would have been the approximate ages of her unborn children? She did address looking down at her infant in the crib and agonizing over having to die and leave her child one day. But even in that observation, the concern is more for herself rather than any child that she gave life to. I find this very troubling. I hope that somehow she has allowed herself to learn how to “place the importance of the life, the emotion and the spiritual needs of the child” before her own.
While I would have more compassion for a woman who wrote this book as a means of therapy; for coming to understand herself and her choices and resolving how to live with those choices; i did not find that kind of completion in this book. I borrowed this book from my local library because I would have had a hard time paying for a book that was born out of the prematurely ended lives upon which this book was written. It would have felt like i was condoning the author for having written this book, about the deaths of her babies; by paying her money for living it and for writing about it. I would have felt guilt by association. Instead, I feel as if I was the lone visitor at the memorial for their lives, and it is just sad to me.
This book was copyrighted in 2009 and published by: http://www.otherpress.com.
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