A book of contradictions is how I view this book, Impossible Motherhood-Testimony of an Abortion Addict. Irene Vilar writes of her so-called abortion addiction in a way that is both enlightening and disturbing in the fact that, she seems to have come to a place of comprehension of the value of the small unborn life. She communicates many of her reasons why she made some of the choices in her life regarding her obsession with this man, who she placed such high value in. However, I don’t feel that she truly communicates the deep emotional struggles that must reside in her psyche; regarding the disposable way she treated the lives of her unborn children. In this post, you will find my book review of, Impossible Motherhood-Testimony of an Abortion Addict.
While much has been made of the roller coaster relationships that she had within her family with her father, her grandmother a famed “heroic figure” in her native country of Puerto Rico, her mother who committed suicide and her brother the drug addict; and, i can appreciate her emotional bondage within those relationships; it escapes me how she could then, choose to place a relationship with the man of her choice…a much older man…over the lives of the children that she helped to create.
Irene admitted that her desire to be a mother “allowed her” to forget to take her birth control pills…knowing that she would have some time alone with her secret knowledge of the child that grew within. She did this knowing all along, that she would chose abortion because her man demanded it of her; to remain in the relationship with him-this in the ‘name” of his never-ending pursuit of the illusion he called “freedom”-meaning no children. Part of this sad tales equation is that, in the beginning of their relationship, Irene was a mere 15 years old. She was sent over here, from her own country, to attend college. The professor would probably be brought up on charges today; for having a sexual relationship with a minor, if their relationship were to begin anew under those conditions.
The object of her desire wanted no children. He demanded no child be born of him; she knew this. Why didn’t he seek a physical, permanent solution to his own fertility, if it was so very important, to him to remain childless? I suspect it had more to do with his need to control the women in his relationships. He allegedly told Irene that his previous wives and relationships couldn’t be strong in their commitment to “freedom” and they chose to move into motherhood with partners other than him. What this says about him and his requirements of a relationship is sad.
Sadder still, to me, is a woman who can carry 15 lives and abort them all. Most of those 15 pregnancies were with the man her obsession. There were other babies who had different fathers. She can not place her reasons for aborting strictly on the relationship with the freedom seeking professor, in my opinion. I do have to say that, Ms. Vilar went on to give birth to two living children, with a new husband. I can’t imagine the emotional journey those children will experience, as they enter into adulthood and an age of understanding. What kind of emotional damage will they have when they ponder why they got to live and their siblings did not?
She talked about her mental breakdown, about her going hungry…she talked about her suffering friendships. What she didn’t address is how she forgave herself; if in fact, she has been able to do so. How has she handled the emotion of seeing other children who would have been the approximate ages of her unborn children? She did address looking down at her infant in the crib and agonizing over having to die and leave her child one day. But even in that observation, the concern is more for herself rather than any child that she gave life to. I find this very troubling. I hope that somehow she has allowed herself to learn how to “place the importance of the life, the emotion and the spiritual needs of the child” before her own.
While I would have more compassion for a woman who wrote this book as a means of therapy; for coming to understand herself and her choices and resolving how to live with those choices; i did not find that kind of completion in this book. I borrowed this book from my local library because I would have had a hard time paying for a book that was born out of the prematurely ended lives upon which this book was written. It would have felt like i was condoning the author for having written this book, about the deaths of her babies; by paying her money for living it and for writing about it. I would have felt guilt by association. Instead, I feel as if I was the lone visitor at the memorial for their lives, and it is just sad to me.
This book was copyrighted in 2009 and published by: http://www.otherpress.com.
The Lonely Soldier was a book that I wanted to read. I knew that it would be a tough read just because of the subject matter. The subtitle is, The Private War Of Women Serving In Iraq. Regardless of the reader’s personal views of whether the United States should be over in Iraq fighting this war in the first place; I think you will find this book of a particular interest to anyone who has loved ones in the armed forces or who is thinking of joining up. There are some very specific personal stories of five women and their experiences of serving the country as soldiers during this war with Iraq.
All military troops face challenges in war circumstances; but the precept behind this book is the particular challenges that face the women soldiers who are far outnumbered in ratio to their male counterparts. There are issues for these women in the performance of their duties due to issues with race, gender, personal space issues, health issues, respect of their fellow troops, sexual assault and sexual harassment issues. The isolation that the female soldier experiences in dealing with these issues is compounded due to the fact that there has not been a large number of women in each troop. In some cases, resentment is rampant and a lack of organized leadership seems to prevail, causing ongoing harm between the enlisted men and women, as well as their leadership.
The fact of the matter is that this war in Iraq is like no other that this nation has ever fought. Women are not “allowed” to fight on the front lines…and yet, because of the nature of this new kind of war fought in ways previously unknown to military personel; women are serving on the front lines under the guise of support services.
Post tramatic stress disorder affects both men and women and the rate of homelessness that seems to shadow our service people after their time is served is a disgrace. Services are not readily available without a fight. There is much between the covers of this book that will shock you, sicken you and terrify any parent or loved one who knows that their loved one has signed up to serve what used to be an honored job of service in the armed forces. It is alleged in this book and in the media that our service men and women are used in a careless fashion by shots that have not been proven to be safe health-wise. During the time that many of these women served, our troops did not even have adequate protective equipment due to mismanagement at a high level…much of which has been addressed in the media.
Getting follow up care for the trauma that these women soldiers have experience is almost non-existent. It is a shame that our military women (and men) are not being properly trained, cared for nor are they being taught appropriate boundaries between the sexes. It is an outrage that suffering in silence is encouraged over addressing these issues to create a healthier and safer military force.
This book was written by Helen Benedict and it was copyrighted in 2009. The publisher is Beacon Press and this is their website: www.beacon.org .
Rainy’s Recommendations
